Final yr, a world settlement was reached to cut back deforestation and methane emissions. Does this imply an finish, lastly, to tree-chomping, flatulence-fixated, celebrity-authored kids’s books?
D.F., East Kurrajong, NSW
A: As a non-celebrity writer of kids’s books, I too am appalled by this glut of celebrity-penned, fart-themed bestselling youngsters’ books. Principally as a result of they’re deforesting all of the planet’s lush, verdant forests that my books needs to be deforesting, and polluting our cultural ambiance with vulgar, unearned fart jokes that I needs to be unearning vulgarly. We non-celeb youngsters’-book authors simply can’t compete; we don’t have the general public profile or media savvy that celebrities have. I as soon as did a bookstore look and solely two youngsters confirmed up, each my very own. And neither purchased my ebook despite the fact that I truly gave them the cash.
So that you’re proper: we should act IMMEDIATELY to ban movie star farty youngsters’ books. It’s the one strategy to save this planet, save our kids and save the careers of bitter, struggling, non-celeb authors like me. As an alternative, I suggest that bookstores inventory nothing however instructional, eco-conscious youngsters’ books, just like the one I’ve simply written, impressed by your query. It’s known as This Ebook Was As soon as a Stunning Tree and it goes like this: “This ebook was as soon as a fantastic tree / It lived within the forest and grew fortunately / Standing so excessive with its daddy and mummy / Then a person with an axe chopped it proper within the tummy / Whacked it and thwacked it and lopped off its head / Hit it and cut up it till it was useless / Drove it away on a truck, after which, gulp! / Mashed up its physique right into a flat pulp / Tattooed its pores and skin with black ink, and look! / Wow, that useless tree’s the ebook that you just’re holding proper now.” Now, that’s a bestseller.
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